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The Info How to Counteract the Dark Side of Helping | Health News
Sometimes assistance helps the caregiver rather than the person being helped. If you have dressed toddlers who wants to do it themselves but you have to get to work on time then you know what I am talking about. Here are two more examples of what I call the dark side of helping. Some people get upset when I smile and say "Thanks for offering but I think I can do it" and insist on doing it myself. I'm grateful that people are watching out for me, but some people get their feelings hurt when I don't give them the opportunity to feel good about helping a disabled person. A wife blogged about her husband who wanted her do everything for him after he had a stroke. He resented it when things "didn't revolve around him," but his adult children felt he should be allowed to behave any way he wanted. Feeling sorry for their dad created stress for their mom when family and friends "moved on with their lives."
Helping with manual tasks, like cutting meat, so stroke survivors don't have to use their hemiplegic hand is easy. On the other hand, watching a loved one struggle is hard. The social contract therapists call disuse is negotiated silently when caregivers help stroke survivors without finding out if they need help.
In defense of clients and caregivers, knowing how to use rehab gains at home is not always easy.
Failure at home taught me to to press my thumb against an object because my OT wasn't there to hold my thumb straight (see arrows in photos). When OTs wait until discharge to talk to clients about how to use rehab gains then OTs aren't there when the 1st attempt at home fails. If OTs work on transfer sooner they might hear this less often. "I'll start using my hand when ____" and "My spouse will do that for me."
The first step in counteracting the dark side of helping is to acknowledge that it exists. The second step is to transfer rehab gains to every day tasks.
Piano teachers don't stop after students have enough skill to play scales. Like a pianist, I eventually have to stop thinking about what my fingers are doing and start thinking about the task I want to do. When a new milestone is achieved in therapy clients can try the new skill at home, report back to the therapist about how it went, and if needed get suggestions to make success more likely. When we are guided through the transition from exercise to function it is easier to use the skills we work so hard to acquire.
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